Surprisingly, the film’s basic story is right out of the novel on which it’s based. & Natasha Liu Bordizzo) are protected by a mentor who imparts wisdom (Gandalf/Michelle Yeoh), and a powerful swordsman (Aragorn, son of Arathorn/Donnie Yen), and a fellowship of warriors (the Fellowship of the Ring / a bunch of actors who appear at minute 20 and are killed at minute 50). If Ang Lee described the original as “ Sense and Sensibility with martial arts” then the sequel is “ Lord of the Rings with martial arts.” Not merely because it’s shot in New Zealand, with the production designer from the Lord of the Rings on board, but because the plot is about a powerful object (ring/sword) being pursued by a bad guy who lives in a tower (Sauron/Jason Scott Lee), while two young people devoted to each other (Sam & Frodo/Harry Shum Jr. There is hardly a shot, a character dynamic, or a plot point that we haven’t seen in a dozen other movies. I believe there are things worth fighting for.” People talk about the honor of their father’s house, they seek revenge for the murder of their mothers, there are birthmarks shaped like screaming eagles, prophecies are proven, and at some point Michelle Yeoh intones: “Code, duty, honor. she says: “He roars, but I feel a gentle soul sleeps within.” Listen with your mind.” About Harry Shum Jr. from Glee) and Michelle Yeoh says to the girl, who’s brash, “Do not just watch with your eyes. There’s a young girl (like Zhang Ziyi in the original, played here by media law student Natasha Liu Bordizzo in her first movie role) who falls in love with a young boy (played by Chang Chen in the original, played here by Harry Shum Jr. What no one points out is that the prop they’re using doesn’t actually look like the Green Destiny sword from the original movie, leading me to believe that it was already stolen once and its guardian, Sir Te, ordered a replacement from. “There are warriors who once stood against this type of injustice,” she says when she finds out that some bad guys want to steal the Green Destiny sword that Chow Yun-fat wielded in the original movie. CT, HD: SOD uses a lot of voiceover-so much that a less generous viewer might suggest that a lot of this movie was cobbled together in the editing room. “Warring clans now vie for power over the martial world,” Michelle Yeoh says in what must be the most exhausted line in martial arts movie history. Even as I type this paragraph I’m already forgetting what this post is about however there’s a piece of paper taped to my laptop that says, “Everything is fortune cookies.” Which means I must have watched CT, HD: SOD. Again, 90 minutes of missing time, but when I reviewed the footage there I was, watching Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sequel of Snooze-osity. That’s about the length of a movie, and when I checked my Netflix history, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny was marked “Recently Watched.” I tried to watch it again, this time filming myself with a webcam for proof. one minute and then suddenly it said 4:30. The only clue I had was that the clock read 3 p.m. I watched it over the weekend and by the time the end credits rolled I couldn’t remember what I was doing. So why is Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny such a giant mountain of snooze? Cinematographer Newton Thomas Sigel shot Nicolas Winding Refn’s Drive and almost every Bryan Singer film. Composer Shigeru Umebayashi has worked with Zhang Yimou and Wong Kar Wai. Director Yuen Woo-ping is one of the world’s best action choreographers. Writer John Fusco isn’t going to win a Pulitzer anytime soon, but he’s responsible for the fast-paced and fun Jackie Chan–Jet Li vehicle Forbidden Kingdom, and for both Young Guns films. And there’s no reason a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon sequel should be bad. After all, Alien, The Godfather, Infernal Affairs, Before Sunrise, and The Hustler were all stand-alone classics that spawned unlikely sequels. There’s nothing inherently wrong with a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon sequel.
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